Being "Obsessive"
Based on some realizations about my personality, I’ve been learning what it means to be “obsessive” and/or perfectionistic. Being obsessive isn’t the same as having obsessive-compulsive disorder. It’s an accepted term that describes a series of personality traits that can help you be successful but when taken to an extreme can hamper you, causing you trouble in relationships, making decisions, feeling peace, etc.
I read a book called Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control, which was written by an M.D. and has been very informative. I have recognized patterns in my life that are described in the book and that have caused me frustration. The book is based on the concept that understanding yourself can help you keep the positive aspects of these traits and work through the negative ones.
Here are some questions he uses to assess whether you have these tendencies:
- Do you get caught up in details, whether you’re preparing a report for work or cleaning out the garage at home?
- Is it hard for you to let go of a work project until it’s just right–even if it takes much longer than it should?
- Have you often been called picky or critical? Or do you feel you are?
- Is it important to you that your child, spouse, or subordinates at work perform certain tasks in a certain specific manner?
- Do you have trouble making decisions? (For example, do you go back and forth before making a purchase, planning a vacation, or choosing what to order from a menu?)
- After you do make a decision, do you find yourself second-guessing or doubting your choice?
- Do you find it embarrassing to “lose control” and be emotional?
- At the same time, do you sometimes find yourself wishing it were easier for you to show your feelings?
- Do you often feel guilty?
- Are you especially wary of being controlled, manipulated, overpowered, or “steam-rollered” by others?
- Is it important for you to get a “good deal” in your financial transactions?
- Do you think you’re more guarded than most people about sharing your possessions, time, or money?
- Do you tend to be secretive? That is, are you reluctant to reveal your motives or feelings?
- Is it hard for you to let yourself be dependent on others?
- Do you have trouble putting a problem out of your mind until it’s resolved, even when you’re doing other things?
- Do you feel guilty when you aren’t getting something done, even in your time off?
I think most people have some of these traits, and it’s normal. And like I said, these traits can help you succeed. It’s just when they become unhealthy that you can encounter difficulties. As the title suggests, problems can come when we (consciously or not) feel a need to control all aspects of our lives (see also Mosiah 3:19).
Some parts of the book were not relevant or helpful. But I wanted to mention it because it has been insightful for me.
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